I changed when she died.
I don’t know if it was because I was younger when she passed.
Maybe I grew up. Became an adult mentally instead of just physically. I no longer look at the world with as much patience. I don’t give second chances to people. There is no more waiting for better, I know there is something better out there that I don’t have to create. I crave experiences more than before. I no longer think I am invincible. The Universe, God, Karma… Whatever the hell you want to call it. Looked at us - and chose her. Took her. Left me. I changed when she died. I no longer know who I am. I lost my identity.
My world shifted, that invincible mentality shattered, I no longer enjoy the things I love… - BUT - I see the sunset colors and take a moment to breathe. The shower runs a bit longer and I FEEL the warmth of the water. 4am mornings are something I look forward to. It’s so hard to love me, now... when I am grieving who I was and who I thought I was going to be.
Especially when she was supposed to be with me. I changed...
